Let Go and Be Happy

Why is it the more weight loss advice, motivational quotes, and self-help books I read, the worse I feel? Oh wait all of these industries rely on unhappy people to make money. The more unhappy people there are in the world, the more money they make. It is no wonder that I am so down and hard on myself. I have been brainwashed by the media that the only way I will be happy is if I am thin. It's like I am a perpetual first day contestant on The Biggest Loser. They never really show happy overweight people on that show who are just there to get healthy. Those people do exist, right? They only show the people who are disgusted with themselves and are on the brink. I know there are happy overweight people, but the only happy people I see in the media, people enjoying family vacations or a laugh with friends, are skinny people. If you are overweight you do not get to laugh, you do not get to have a family, you do not get to go on a cruise to Disney World, or at least that is what I see through media. I have been overweight since 5^th grade, so I have been told these negative messages since 1992. Well, no wonder I am a negative person.

I am done! I am not done exercising and I am not done finding ways to make myself more happy, but I am done obsessing. Losing weight is on my mind 24/7. It controls me. Days that I did good I feel fantastic. Days that I decided to go out for pizza or skip the gym, I feel horrible and get really moody. I am done letting this thing have power over me. I am done letting it ruin my day. As I heard somebody at work say the other day, “I just want to be happy”. I have so many things to be happy about and I have been wasting time being down on myself because of my size. Done. Over.

I wrote the first paragraph of this blog entry before I went to work yesterday, and let me tell you I had a pretty good day. Every time I started thinking about weight or felt myself getting moody, I stopped, slowed down and asked myself why my mood was starting to change, and that is all it took, Taking a few seconds to ask myself why, and I snapped right out of it. I even went for a walk yesterday after school which is something I haven't been able to get myself to do all week. Why did I want to go for a walk? Because I decided I wasn't going to time it, or measure the distance. I was just going to enjoy myself.

Moral of the story, I am done obsessing and letting this beast control my mood. I am still going to exercise, but I am going to do it because I am in the mood and it is something I enjoy. I am going to go for walks and runs because I enjoy being outside and running races is fun, not because I want to lose ten pounds by the next holiday. I am still not going to have junk food everyday, but if I do eat something wonderfully UN-nutritious, I am not going to let that change my mood for the rest of the day. I will eventually lose weight because that is what is healthy for me and will make me more active, but it is going to be a slow process, and in the meantime I am going to enjoy were I am in the process, take a look around and enjoy the scenery, and be one of those happy fat girls that I know exists. Time to love my life again.

This may be my last blog entry for a long time or I may start a different type of blog because I do enjoy writing, but this blog just reminds me of my little obsession that I am trying to change :)

Be Happy Be Healthy!

Sally

Finding What Works

This week I started rereading a book that I read last year called “The Happiness Project”. It's all about finding out what will give you more energy and self-worth in order to be your happiest. It talks about being a little selfish and sometimes putting your needs first because in the long run, you being your happiest and healthiest will be what is best for all of the important people in your life. I had to think about that a lot this week. Last weekend I was at a party, and instead of interacting with people and having a good old time, I spent most of the party sitting in a corner yawning because I was so tired.

What will make my relationship with my boyfriend, family, friends, and students stronger right now is spending a little time by myself at the gym. I need to get my butt in the gym more often to gain some more energy. My boyfriend and I were supposed to be going to the gym together twice during the week and then on the weekends. We like going to the gym together. We get on the treadmills and talk to each other about how our day went, but doing this during the week was just not working for me. The problem was that I get off of work at 3:30 and he doesn't get off of work until two or sometimes three hours later, so what was happening is I would go home and lay around waiting to go to the gym and I would slowly get tired and more tired. By the time it was time to go to the gym I was ready to put my pajamas on and had lost all motivation to go. I have always been somebody who wakes up early and goes to bed early, so by the time we would get home from the gym, I would eat dinner and be in bed an hour later.

This week we talked and agreed to try something different. We are going to start going to the gym during the week by ourselves and then of course still go together on the weekends. This way I will be able to go to the gym right after work. I will be able to get my workout done before I hit my after school crash and then be able to come home and relax the rest of the evening. The other thing this will help prevent is after school snacking. I will be able to come home from the gym and make dinner right away, so I'll be less likely to sit around and snack.

It will be sad and feel a little weird not going to the gym with my boyfriend, but we both know it is what is best for me and who knows maybe down the road when I have lost 40 or 50 pounds, I will have more energy and can stay up later and go back to going to the gym later in the evening. It's all about finding what works best for you.

Happy Running!

Sally