Part of this new found motivation is due to my current
state. I will not be so dramatic as to
say I hit rock bottom, because I could be a lot worse off than I am right now,
but I will say that I am pretty low. I
knew I was at a pretty low point when on Saturday I found this blog, but had to
read it standing up because I threw my back out and couldn’t sit in a chair. A lot has changed in my life since my last blog
entry. I am currently living with my
boyfriend of two years. We spent our
first year together as most new couples do, getting fat together. While we were getting to know each other we
spent a lot of time going out to eat, watching movies, and gaining weight. Last Thanksgiving we vowed to put an end to
the madness. We started going to the gym
together and decided that we are only allowed to go out to eat once a week. He lost quite a bit of weight, and I…well I
watched him. I just couldn’t find the
motivation. Last year was one of my most
stressful years at work, and I blamed it on that. Well, I have been on summer vacation for two
months now and still really haven’t done anything. I try to go to the gym a couple of times a
week, but I do more walking than running and I’ve only lost eight pounds since
Thanksgiving. Two weeks ago I went on a
family vacation to an amusement park/water park, and my boyfriend had to do
most things with my sister because of my fear of fitting comfortably in things
and/or hurting myself. Then last week I
threw my back out and was pretty much bed ridden for three days. This happening may have been a little
blessing in disguise. I have been so
disgusted with myself this week.
Although I love my boyfriend and I’m sure he doesn’t mind doing it, it
is embarrassing when he has to help pull me off the couch or he has to come
home from work and pick up my garbage because I can’t bend over to do it myself. Why a blessing? Because I have spent the week lying around
thinking about all the things I want to do and change so I can avoid this
situation again. I miss the proud
feeling of finishing a race, the excitement of going into a fitting room with a
size smaller, I want to be able to get on a jet ski or a ride with my boyfriend
and not have to worry about what is going to happen because of my size, but
most importantly I want to be healthy and confident. The pity party is over. I know my problem, and I know how to fix it,
and now is the time. Let’s face it I am
not getting any younger and it’s not going to get any easier.
Having said all of that, here is my plan. It is not a set plan. One thing I have learned is that if I give
myself a set of rules and say I am never going to do something again, I do it
the very next day. My plan will be
constantly adjusting until I get my groove and find out what works best. The plan as of today is to get to the gym at
least three times a week, minimize my snacking between meals, and drink more
water. I also need to work on my mind
and focusing on my goals and how far I have come. I went to the gym this morning, and instead of
being bummed that I only did a half hour and didn’t do any running because of
my back, I need to be happy that I took the step to go seeing as I have barely
made it off of the couch this week. I am
excited to restart my journey, and even more excited to know that I am not
doing it alone. I used to close my blog
entries by saying happy running, but because of my current situation I’ll say…
Happy Walking Really Slowly :)
Sally 