Let Go and Be Happy

Why is it the more weight loss advice, motivational quotes, and self-help books I read, the worse I feel? Oh wait all of these industries rely on unhappy people to make money. The more unhappy people there are in the world, the more money they make. It is no wonder that I am so down and hard on myself. I have been brainwashed by the media that the only way I will be happy is if I am thin. It's like I am a perpetual first day contestant on The Biggest Loser. They never really show happy overweight people on that show who are just there to get healthy. Those people do exist, right? They only show the people who are disgusted with themselves and are on the brink. I know there are happy overweight people, but the only happy people I see in the media, people enjoying family vacations or a laugh with friends, are skinny people. If you are overweight you do not get to laugh, you do not get to have a family, you do not get to go on a cruise to Disney World, or at least that is what I see through media. I have been overweight since 5^th grade, so I have been told these negative messages since 1992. Well, no wonder I am a negative person.

I am done! I am not done exercising and I am not done finding ways to make myself more happy, but I am done obsessing. Losing weight is on my mind 24/7. It controls me. Days that I did good I feel fantastic. Days that I decided to go out for pizza or skip the gym, I feel horrible and get really moody. I am done letting this thing have power over me. I am done letting it ruin my day. As I heard somebody at work say the other day, “I just want to be happy”. I have so many things to be happy about and I have been wasting time being down on myself because of my size. Done. Over.

I wrote the first paragraph of this blog entry before I went to work yesterday, and let me tell you I had a pretty good day. Every time I started thinking about weight or felt myself getting moody, I stopped, slowed down and asked myself why my mood was starting to change, and that is all it took, Taking a few seconds to ask myself why, and I snapped right out of it. I even went for a walk yesterday after school which is something I haven't been able to get myself to do all week. Why did I want to go for a walk? Because I decided I wasn't going to time it, or measure the distance. I was just going to enjoy myself.

Moral of the story, I am done obsessing and letting this beast control my mood. I am still going to exercise, but I am going to do it because I am in the mood and it is something I enjoy. I am going to go for walks and runs because I enjoy being outside and running races is fun, not because I want to lose ten pounds by the next holiday. I am still not going to have junk food everyday, but if I do eat something wonderfully UN-nutritious, I am not going to let that change my mood for the rest of the day. I will eventually lose weight because that is what is healthy for me and will make me more active, but it is going to be a slow process, and in the meantime I am going to enjoy were I am in the process, take a look around and enjoy the scenery, and be one of those happy fat girls that I know exists. Time to love my life again.

This may be my last blog entry for a long time or I may start a different type of blog because I do enjoy writing, but this blog just reminds me of my little obsession that I am trying to change :)

Be Happy Be Healthy!

Sally

Finding What Works

This week I started rereading a book that I read last year called “The Happiness Project”. It's all about finding out what will give you more energy and self-worth in order to be your happiest. It talks about being a little selfish and sometimes putting your needs first because in the long run, you being your happiest and healthiest will be what is best for all of the important people in your life. I had to think about that a lot this week. Last weekend I was at a party, and instead of interacting with people and having a good old time, I spent most of the party sitting in a corner yawning because I was so tired.

What will make my relationship with my boyfriend, family, friends, and students stronger right now is spending a little time by myself at the gym. I need to get my butt in the gym more often to gain some more energy. My boyfriend and I were supposed to be going to the gym together twice during the week and then on the weekends. We like going to the gym together. We get on the treadmills and talk to each other about how our day went, but doing this during the week was just not working for me. The problem was that I get off of work at 3:30 and he doesn't get off of work until two or sometimes three hours later, so what was happening is I would go home and lay around waiting to go to the gym and I would slowly get tired and more tired. By the time it was time to go to the gym I was ready to put my pajamas on and had lost all motivation to go. I have always been somebody who wakes up early and goes to bed early, so by the time we would get home from the gym, I would eat dinner and be in bed an hour later.

This week we talked and agreed to try something different. We are going to start going to the gym during the week by ourselves and then of course still go together on the weekends. This way I will be able to go to the gym right after work. I will be able to get my workout done before I hit my after school crash and then be able to come home and relax the rest of the evening. The other thing this will help prevent is after school snacking. I will be able to come home from the gym and make dinner right away, so I'll be less likely to sit around and snack.

It will be sad and feel a little weird not going to the gym with my boyfriend, but we both know it is what is best for me and who knows maybe down the road when I have lost 40 or 50 pounds, I will have more energy and can stay up later and go back to going to the gym later in the evening. It's all about finding what works best for you.

Happy Running!

Sally

Back to School

It is interesting being a teacher. You kind of get two “New Years”. You get the traditional January 1^st, but then you also get the first day of the school year. Today is my last day of summer vacation, and as I think about what is about to happen, I realize it is all about habits. I want to focus this week on not falling into old bad habits and setting new good habits. The first major habit I want to not get in this year is buying pop at work. Tomorrow I am going to pack one of my old lunch boxes with frozen water bottles. I always get headaches at work. It never fails, and when this happens, or when I just need a little boost of energy to help make it to the end, I always head to the pop machine or the snack cabinet we have downstairs. This never helps, so why do I do it? If I keep hydrated throughout the day this will hopefully cut that desire and may even prevent some headaches. I also want to keep some sort of low-fat snack in my desk in case I do get hungry, but I'm not sure what yet.

I want to get in the habit of bringing my lunch everyday. The past two years I told myself I was going to allow myself to go out to lunch once a week, but that slowly turned into whenever I felt like it and before I knew it I was going out more than I was eating in. Think of all the time, money, and calories I would save by not starting this habit up again.

Being a teacher, I can't really control when I eat breakfast and lunch. The one thing I can control is dinner. My biggest downfall area is between when I get home from school and when I eat dinner. It feels like all I do is eat during this time. What I need to do is start making dinner earlier. I often wait for my boyfriend to get home from work to eat, but if I start eating earlier, not only will it cut down on snaking, but it will prevent me from eating dinner right before bed. I will just have to make a plate for my boyfriend and re-heat it when he gets home. He is very understanding and knows what I am trying to do so I am sure this wouldn't be a problem for him.

The final habit I want to focus on is exercise. My boyfriend and I go to the gym for one hour three times a week. I want to get in the habit of bringing my gym clothes with me to school, and on our off days from the gym I want to go for a half hour walk around the school or go to the gym for a light workout.

One of the many great things about getting 2 and a half months off in the middle of the year, is you have time to get out of your habits. For a person like me who has always had bad habits, this is a very good chance to start fresh. The best way to break a habit is to never start it in the first place. So good bye summer. I am sad to see you go, but excited to see what I can do with the new opportunity fall brings me.

Week= -0 Total= -9

Happy Running!

Sally

I Rocked That Failure

Well, I rocked, then I sucked, then I rocked again :) I started off the week strong. I was doing a good job without snacking, but halfway through the week I started to lose focus. Yesterday I completely lost focus. I went out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant and then we ordered pizza last night. I need to learn self control when I go out with family or friends. I don't want this to be a temporary diet. I want this to be a change that I can keep up the rest of my life. Let's face it, I'm not going to stop going out to eat with family and friends. Usually when people want to get together that's what they do around here. What I need to do is learn to order better. There is no reason why I should still be ordering pop. I need to stick to unsweetened tea or ice water. These both do the trick, even better than pop because pop often leaves me still feeling thirsty, so why do I still do this? Going out to eat is horrible, but most restaurants offer low fat options. Whether I go for a low fat option or not, I need to make friends with the good old classic doggie bag because we all know restaurant portions are out of control. I would have probably been OK with the pizza last night if I would have stuck to two or three pieces (they were the small square types of pieces). Something, I have heard of people doing before and maybe I should start doing is asking for a doggie bag at the beginning of the meal to stop me from over eating. Fancier restaurants sometimes take your food from you to bag it for you, but most restaurants around here just hand you a box, so if I put some of it in a box before I start eating and only leave on my plate what looks like a reasonable amount to eat, I would be less likely to over eat while going out. I may look funny doing it, but people who know me and love me will understand why I am doing it.

The reason why I said I rocked after I sucked was because of my workouts. I did meet my goal of working out three times this week. This morning I stepped on the scale to see that I had gained two pounds, instead of letting it ruin my day and maybe pig out at breakfast like I have done in the past, I took a step back, refocused, and continued with my day. I started off by making a list of reasons I want to lose weight. There are 31 reasons :) With that list in mind I headed to the gym, and ended up doing two hours! I did one hour on the tread mill, thirty minutes on a bike, and thirty minutes on the elliptical. I am still not running, but I am headed in the direction. I tried running on Wednesday and I literally got the tread mill up to speed for a split second and a pain shot up my back, but yesterday I was able to run for two minutes with no pain. I guess the best way to sum up the week is that I hit a little speed bump but I have sense recovered nicely. 

 Week= +2 Total= -9

Happy Running!

Sally

A Slow Start, but It's a Start

Week one of my "comeback" is over.  I did pretty good.  The goal was to drink more water, cut back on snacking, and to workout at least three times.  I found myself drinking more water, but that was because of the exercise.  I tried to have no snackage going on this week.  I did this for the most part, but had a few minor slip ups.  The best part of the week was that instead of getting in three workouts, I got in five!!!  Each one of these was a walk, the shortest being a mile and a half and the longest being three miles.  I did try to run one day, but only could do one minute because the pounding was too much for my back that is still not 100% healed.  I lost three pounds this week.

Most of this week was a success, but today has been rough.  This morning I went to Menard's and instead of eating breakfast at home before I left, I went to McDonald's and then at Menard's I bought a bag of Brach's candy (a Menard's tradition in my family).  Since part of me being able to lose weight and keep it off is mental I have to ask myself why after a good week am I messing up so bad today.  I really don't know for sure why I can't get my head to click today, but there are two reasons I can think of.  First of all it's been an emotional morning.  I said something that I shouldn't have yesterday, and I am feeling really bad about it today.  Maybe it has something to do with self-worth and I don't feel worth it today.  The other, less complicated reason, could be that I know that tomorrow I will be going to my favorite hot dog place in Chicago.  I have done this before where I think, "Well, screw it.  I'm already going to eat an unhealthy meal this weekend so I will just blow off the entire weekend."  Instead of thinking what I should be doing is, "OK you are going to this place this weekend and you know you are going to want to eat, so you need to be extra strict the rest of the weekend."  I need to get my mind there.

Anyway, my goals for week two are the same as week one except to be a little more strict with these rules.  I am going to try NO snacking between meals.  I had problems with this last week when I was at other people's houses.  I need to learn to tell people no thank you.  My goal is still to work out at least three times this week with the hopes of being able to run a little bit towards the end of the week if my back will let me.  As far as the more water, most of the water I drank this week was between meals, which I will continue to do, but I will also replace my beverage (which is usually lemon aide at home) with water for at least one meal a day.  See you next Saturday!

Happy Walking!
Sally

You Never Fail Until You Quit

All last week I was thinking about getting into running again.  I still run a little here and there, but not like I was a couple of years ago.  I came across this blog on Saturday and read through all that I used to do.  It motivated me to tie up my laces and start again.  I am back to where I started a few years ago, but I haven’t failed.  You do not fail until you stop trying, and I haven’t stopped trying yet.

Part of this new found motivation is due to my current state.  I will not be so dramatic as to say I hit rock bottom, because I could be a lot worse off than I am right now, but I will say that I am pretty low.  I knew I was at a pretty low point when on Saturday I found this blog, but had to read it standing up because I threw my back out and couldn’t sit in a chair.  A lot has changed in my life since my last blog entry.  I am currently living with my boyfriend of two years.  We spent our first year together as most new couples do, getting fat together.  While we were getting to know each other we spent a lot of time going out to eat, watching movies, and gaining weight.  Last Thanksgiving we vowed to put an end to the madness.  We started going to the gym together and decided that we are only allowed to go out to eat once a week.  He lost quite a bit of weight, and I…well I watched him.  I just couldn’t find the motivation.  Last year was one of my most stressful years at work, and I blamed it on that.  Well, I have been on summer vacation for two months now and still really haven’t done anything.  I try to go to the gym a couple of times a week, but I do more walking than running and I’ve only lost eight pounds since Thanksgiving.  Two weeks ago I went on a family vacation to an amusement park/water park, and my boyfriend had to do most things with my sister because of my fear of fitting comfortably in things and/or hurting myself.  Then last week I threw my back out and was pretty much bed ridden for three days.  This happening may have been a little blessing in disguise.   I have been so disgusted with myself this week.  Although I love my boyfriend and I’m sure he doesn’t mind doing it, it is embarrassing when he has to help pull me off the couch or he has to come home from work and pick up my garbage because I can’t bend over to do it myself.  Why a blessing?  Because I have spent the week lying around thinking about all the things I want to do and change so I can avoid this situation again.  I miss the proud feeling of finishing a race, the excitement of going into a fitting room with a size smaller, I want to be able to get on a jet ski or a ride with my boyfriend and not have to worry about what is going to happen because of my size, but most importantly I want to be healthy and confident.  The pity party is over.  I know my problem, and I know how to fix it, and now is the time.  Let’s face it I am not getting any younger and it’s not going to get any easier.

Having said all of that, here is my plan.  It is not a set plan.  One thing I have learned is that if I give myself a set of rules and say I am never going to do something again, I do it the very next day.  My plan will be constantly adjusting until I get my groove and find out what works best.  The plan as of today is to get to the gym at least three times a week, minimize my snacking between meals, and drink more water.  I also need to work on my mind and focusing on my goals and how far I have come.  I went to the gym this morning, and instead of being bummed that I only did a half hour and didn’t do any running because of my back, I need to be happy that I took the step to go seeing as I have barely made it off of the couch this week.  I am excited to restart my journey, and even more excited to know that I am not doing it alone.  I used to close my blog entries by saying happy running, but because of my current situation I’ll say…

Happy Walking Really Slowly :)

Sally

Thanks Derrick and Michael..Heehee

A little pep talk goes a long way. Last Thursday Derrick and I talked for about an hour on Facebook. He gave me a little motivational pep talk and I have been on a roll ever since. Since we talked on Thursday, I have lost four pounds.

Today I went back to the gym for the first time in like two months. Anyway, I have been thinking lately about canceling my gym membership. I kind of went today with the thought in my head that we would see how it goes and if it didn’t go well I would cancel my membership. Well, the IPod gods were on my side tonight. I got on the treadmill with the goal of seeing if I could run two miles without taking a walking break. Last time I ran I did the mile, so I thought I would just try.

OK, this next part is so cheesy, but true. I was nearing 1.5 miles and about ready to give up when the IPod gods put Michael Jackson’s Man in The Mirror (very motivational song if you don’t know it, how could you not know it?) in my ear. The craziest part is this is the second time this song has popped up when I was ready to give up since Michael Jackson has died. Spooky!!!! I did love him when I was little. Maybe he’s up there looking out for me. LOL.

So anyway, I told myself to fight through the song and then the next song and before I knew it I had run the whole two miles without stopping to take a walk break. After I did that, I went to the weight machines and did 172 leg presses (the goal was 200, but I tanked at 172). After that I did 5 miles on the elliptical. In the end, I was there for two hours and I had one of the best workouts I have ever had in a long time, maybe ever. Thanks Derrick! Oh and the IPod gods :)